dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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