You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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