Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
