is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
