I just pynch a tree in the face
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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