Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
