Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
