At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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