Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
