dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
