Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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