Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
