I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
