she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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