woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize