the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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