some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
