just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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