do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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