i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
