R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
