She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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