Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
