You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
