This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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