It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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