I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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