I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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