so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
