Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
