So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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