There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
40s are totally the cure
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
