So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
this must be what syphilis tastes like
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
