Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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