I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
pray to the hookup gods
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
