I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
