the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
