Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
