I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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