the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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