I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
