its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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