You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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