... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
