Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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