I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
