did you get engaged???
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
