thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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