Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I think people are normalizing furries
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
