how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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