Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
