his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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