Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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