I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
