you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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