apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
