You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
