maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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