As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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