hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
