clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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